


Miles from My Heart

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec)



Series: Castiel Bingo [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No supernatural, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brief mention of attempted self-harm, Castiel and Gabriel are siblings, Dean is probably 1 year older than Sam?, Fluff, Gabriel being an awesome older brother, Getting Together, I don't really specify, I'm so happy with this, IT HAS A PLOT!, IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD!, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, and Gabe is probs like 2 years older than Cas, cause what do I write that isn't, enjoy, gay things, so let's just say that Sam and Gabe have a 3 year gap, that's believable right?, the ink one, they're all about the same age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 10:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20776727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas
Summary: Dean’s first thought when he woke up on Sunday morning – afterthank fuck it’s still the weekendandI need some coffee– wasCas must’ve gotten another tattoo.or, in which Castiel is oblivious, Dean is less so (surprisingly), and Sam and Gabriel actually have their shit together.





	Miles from My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clearfear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clearfear/gifts), [writingisntapastime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingisntapastime/gifts).

> This was written for the Castiel Bingo. It covers the square "Tattooed Castiel".
> 
> As with almost every Bingo thing I've written so far... it got away from me. It got _very_ Destiel. #Sorrynotsorry. Destiel is my OTP.
> 
> Enjoy!

The first time Castiel ever remembered feeling _truly _jealous was in the middle of sophomore year.

The familiar handwriting appeared slowly, as it always did – on his right wrist, this time – and formed the words, _you’re so beautiful._

The anger surged up inside him and for a brief moment, he forgot how to breathe. He forced himself to calm down, to tune back in to the lesson, and he didn’t look down at his arm again. He pulled on his sweatshirt just to have something covering it.

When he got home, there was another note, this time on the inside of his right forearm. _I miss you_.

He didn’t get out of the shower until they both disappeared, long after all the water had run cold.

The first time Castiel got a tattoo, he was just sixteen and a half, and a couple of days. His father had finally allowed him to get the tattoo he’d been wanting since his sixteenth birthday. It wasn’t large, just a small string of words from the base of his neck curving down to his shoulder blade.

_Honor thy mother and thy father_.

The next day Dean Winchester, the boy he liked, was wearing a leather jacket. This wasn’t unusual, but for the fact he didn’t take it off all day. Cas noticed, and ignored it.

Castiel’s second tattoo was three years later. It was just below his first, a miniature angel with her head lifted to the sky, and just underneath it, his name in his own hand. Dean Winchester came into the coffee shop he was working at that day, and he had a backpack slung over his right shoulder – a backpack Castiel had never seen him with before.

He didn’t look at Dean after taking his order, carefully avoiding his eyes. But Dean looked at him, he could feel it, and he didn’t know whether he should be pleased or uncomfortable.

And on it went, until Castiel was getting new tattoos every couple of months (almost exclusively biblical tattoos) and Dean was covering himself or avoiding Cas entirely the day after.

Every time he saw him, his feelings for the Winchester boy grew, and all Cas could feel was a sense of shallowness and betrayal. Dean was attractive, yes, but Cas had real feelings for the girl or boy (or both, or neither or whatever else they could possibly be) who used to draw on Cas’ arms when they were children. So as long as he possibly could, he would ignore whatever he thought he felt that was drawing him to Dean.

At least, until everything changed.

#~+~#

It started when Cas’ brother Gabriel – who was in college at Stanford – called him. They Skyped twice a week to keep in touch (they had to, considering the fact that Castiel was the only member of their family Gabriel still liked, and Gabriel was the only member of Cas’ family that still liked him), but on one of the days in between, Gabriel called just because he quite obviously couldn’t wait.

“I found him, Cassie!” was the first thing he shouted at Cas across five states when Cas picked up the phone. “I found my soulmate!”

Cas laughed in awe. “Yeah? What’s he like?”

“His name’s Sam. He’s a pre-law student, he looks like a goddamn puppy, and he’ one of the most brilliant people I know. We met because he wrote my name down on his arm and I saw him doing it and I saw it appear on my arm and I sort of just pointed at him and screamed. Turns out he was narrowing down his list of people who might be his soulmate. Weird, huh?”

He paused briefly, probably for breath, and Cas took what might be his only chance to say anything during this conversation. “That’s awesome! What did you say his name was again?”

“Sam Winchester,” Gabriel replied.

“Winchester?” Cas’ brain stopped functioning. “Like the gun?”

“Yeah… I guess like the gun,” Gabriel replied.

“I need to go. I’m so happy for you!” Cas told his brother before hanging up the phone.

It had happened before… siblings being paired with siblings. He doubted it was the case, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. Before he did anything, though, he needed to make sure they were even related.

He called Dean. Dean had, a few months ago, started studying with him because they were in many of the same classes, which gave him an excellent excuse to call, communicate with, and see his crush.

“Do you have a brother?” he asked after the obligatory greeting.

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “Younger brother, named Sam. Why?”

Cas laughed breathily. “My brother Gabriel just called. Your younger brother is his soulmate.”

“Sammy’s soulmate is a _dude_?” Dean sounded genuinely surprised for all of three seconds before he muttered, “actually, I shoulda seen that comin’. He was always more of a girl than most girls we know.”

Cas snorted quietly at the obvious tone of a brother teasing his brother. Gabriel had used it on him many a time. “You should not stereotype people, Dean. There are plenty of gay men and bisexuals who don’t fit your idea of what they might be.”

“You’re tellin’ me. Most people give me some version of the bullshit explanation, ‘you don’t _look_ gay’ whenever I tell ‘em I’m bi.”

Cas’ breath caught. “You’re bi?”

“That I am,” Dean replied and oh, Cas wished they were doing this in person. Here he’d thought he had no chance with the straight guy he was in love with and then – voila! – _he’s bisexual!_

They talked for a long while, and just before he got off the phone, Castiel decided to take a page out of Sam Winchester’s book. _Dean Winchester (?)_ he wrote on his left forearm.

#~+~#

Dean smiled down at his arm as his own name, followed by a question mark, appeared there.

“Bye, Cas,” he murmured into the receiver.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Dean,” his friend replied, and the line clicked.

#~+~#

Dean’s first thought when he woke up on Sunday morning – after _thank fuck it’s still the weekend_ and _I need some coffee_ – was _Cas must’ve gotten another tattoo. _He noticed it when he went to brush his teeth. It was between his collarbones, a couple of inches down, and it was a dark green color. It simply said _je t’aime. _

_French_, Dean noted. _French for ‘I love you’_. That was a somewhat peculiar tattoo for Cas to get, especially considering he was not, as far as Dean was aware, in a relationship with anyone at the moment.

(Of course, Dean was aware that romantic love wasn’t the only kind that existed, but Cas also didn’t have many close friends, nor was he on the best terms with his family.)

He didn’t give himself much more time to ponder it, though. He needed to get some studying done, and he’d said that he would FaceTime Sammy today.

Speaking of which… shit, he was supposed to be at his computer about five minutes ago. He jumped up to pull on a clean shirt and a pair of jeans, brush his teeth and comb his hair at record speed before flinging himself into his computer chair and turning it on.

Skype was set to open on startup, which made his life a lot easier. As soon as it opened, he saw that he had two missed calls from Sam, as well as several texts, all of which said something along the lines of “dude, what the actual fuck?”

He quickly texted back - just a “sorry, slept in” - and started a video call with his brother. When his stupid long-haired face filled the screen, Dean almost sighed with relief.

“Hey, Sammy,” he muttered. Sam laughed.

“Dude, did you seriously forget about this? I have reminded you every day for the last six days that it was happening. You need to learn that the world around you exists.”

“Bite me, bitch,” Dean shot back without heat, making Sam grin.

“Right back atcha. Jerk.”

And just like that, they’d settled into their normal easy banter and conversation.

“So, uh…” Sam scratched the back of his neck. “I met my soulmate yesterday.”

If Dean hadn’t already known, he probably would’ve fallen out of his chair. “Gabriel Novak,” he guessed, wearing his biggest most shit-eating smirk. “Right?”

Sam gaped at him like a fish out of water. “How’d you know that?”

“Cas,” Dean replied. “Gabe called him, told him about you, he called me and asked me if I had a younger brother named Sam.”

Sam looked slightly confused. “Who’s Cas?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “_My _soulmate,” he huffed exasperatedly. “Gabriel’s brother, one of my closest friends, and my study partner for like half my classes.”

“You know your soulmate?” Sam goggled at him. “Why was I not informed?”

Dean looked down. “Cause Cas doesn’t know.”

No one said anything for a long minute.

“Why not?” Sam asked quietly when the silence got too tense to bear.

“Because nunya, that’s why,” Dean muttered back, and Sam knew better than to push it, but Dean could see on his face that he really, _really _wanted to.

“Okay,” Sam said. Just then, he turned his head to listen to someone out of frame. “Yeah, alright, I’m coming.” He turned back to Dean. “My stupid idiot boyfriend just turned our kitchen into a disaster area-slash-danger zone, and I gotta go. But Thursday next, alright? 8pm PST, and _don’t be late this time_!”

Dean nodded, laughing a little, and the screen went dark. He shut his laptop, leaned back in his chair, and sighed.

This was already turning out to be a longass day.

#~+~#

_Thursday, 3/24, 10pm._

This was what Cas woke up to find on his left arm. He didn't know what it meant, but what he did know was that his soulmate had something to do next Thursday.

It could be anything, but Cas liked seeing these little notes in his (he was choosing to tentatively assume his soulmate was a man, given his particular appreciation for the male physique) handwriting appearing on his body. They made him feel like he knew the guy.

On a whim, he grabbed a pen and, on his arm just below those words, wrote _good morning_.

**_Good morning, handsome ;-)_** appeared soon after. Cas laughed.

_Assuming I’m handsome already?_

** _I know you’re handsome. After all, the universe wouldn’t give someone like me any less._ **

Cas laughed much harder at that one. _Well, I suppose I can’t argue with such flawless logic._

They were running out of space on their shared arm.

** _Of course you can’t. And just wait until you meet me in person ;-)_ **

Another winky face. This guy was going all-out.

_I can’t wait, _Cas replied in his smallest legible handwriting before putting the pen down and going to make breakfast. He just hoped his note had made his soulmate smile.

(He didn’t know it, of course, but they definitely had, and his soulmate was eternally glad that there was nobody around to see him smiling at his arm like a lovestruck idjit.)

When he went to change his clothes, the writing was very faded – his soulmate must have washed it off. He’d gone over the day, date, and time he’d written previously, and added **_I like the tattoos._**

Cas faltered. Were his tattoos appearing on his soulmate’s body? He hadn’t thought of that. Or maybe his soulmate knew him in real life and this was a subtle hint. Either way, he felt a response was necessary.

_Do you get those, too?_

** _Yeah. But they’re always gone after a day._ **

Castiel hummed thoughtfully. Every interaction he had with this person led to more of his own conviction that he needed to figure out who the fuck it was.

It took him all of two weeks.

#~+~#

_Come on, Winchester, you can do this. It’s just Cas. He’s your best friend. You can do this. _

Dean was psyching himself up in the line for the coffee place Cas worked at. He really needed to pull his shit together, preferably _before _he reached the front of the line.

…Too late. There was suddenly nothing in front of him except a few feet of empty space and a counter, behind which was a gorgeous dark-haired blue-eyed _angel_ that Dean suddenly did not have the balls to ask out.

“Black, two sugars,” he managed to choke out. Unfortunately, as he was ringing it up, Cas noticed.

“Are you alright, Dean? You sound unwell. Are you sick?”

“Nah,” Dean denied. “Just- nerves.”

“Over what? We had a study session two days ago, you should surely be just fine for your classes tomorrow.”

“Uh…” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “Doyoumaybewanttogooutwithme?” he asked in one big breath.

Cas looked down at the counter. “Yes, Dean. I would like to go out with you.”

Dean stared at him for a second, and then he was shoving a travel cup into his hand. “Have a good day. You already have my number. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

Dean booked it out of there. _What the hell was that?_ the miniature Sam in his head asked him in a tone of ridicule as he sipped his coffee. _You’re Dean motherfucking Winchester. If you can raise your baby brother practically from infancy, you can ask out a guy. What just happened in there?_

_Protecting you is not the same as talking to Cas_, Dean protested. _Also, leave me the hell alone. One Sam is enough to deal with._

(He then had the thought, _maybe I’m going crazy. My conscience is manifesting itself as my little brother._)

Either way, he’d done it. He was going to go out with Castiel.

#~+~#

After their study session on Tuesday, they compared their schedules for the next couple of weeks and settled on a day to see a movie together.

Movie. Nice and neutral, no pressure, no unnecessary looking at each other – should be perfect, right? Except that Dean wanted to tell Cas that he was his soulmate, and he had no idea how.

The date approached far too quickly and yet somehow at a snail’s pace. Dean’s nerves were frayed, he was jumpy and on edge. He was never like this with chicks, so why was Cas so different? Not because he was a guy – Dean had dated guys before, however briefly. After all, everything is brief when you know that there’s someone else out there designed specifically for you and this person isn’t it – and not because they didn’t know each other – they were pretty close friends, and they’d done tons of studying together, which inevitably led to procrastination and friendly chatter. Which left soulmate.

Dean had never done this with his soulmate before. He was terrified to his core that he was somehow going to mess this up and his soulmate was going to leave him… just like everybody else did, in the end. Even Sam up and left to go to school in California. He couldn’t lose Cas like that, too.

But whatever happened would happen. Right now, he needed to impress his friend.

They shared a popcorn, they laughed at almost all the same jokes in the movie, Cas cried a couple of times and Dean (totally smoothly) let him lay his head on his shoulder, and by the end Dean was feeling pretty confident.

But Cas apparently wasn’t.

Outside of Cas’ house, Dean impulsively leaned over to kiss him. Cas pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he muttered. “This was fun, I just… I have a soulmate out there somewhere and I don’t feel right leading you on like this.”

Dean didn’t say anything in response. He just pulled a pen out of the glove compartment of the Impala and poised it over his arm. _Hello, Castiel_, he wrote slowly, and Cas gasped in wonder as it appeared identically on his own arm.

“How long have you known?” he asked in a breathless whisper.

“Since the tenth grade, when you drew all those red horizontal lines on your arm to stop from hurting yourself.”

Cas remembered. Gabriel had found him inches away from heading down the highly dangerous self-harm path and had confiscated the blade and given him a pen. It helped a little, at least in the moment, and it was what Cas had needed at the time. Dean had, at that point, been just a good-looking boy in his year who he had a couple of classes with and got extremely flustered around. But he’d seen them, and Cas had been terrified, and Dean had promised not to tell anyone.

“All these years. Dean…”

Dean ducked his head, waiting for the blow.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

When his head came up, his eyes were glistening. “Because I was afraid, Cas.” His voice was hoarse and so honest that it broke Castiel’s heart. “Because I didn’t want you to decide that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want you to leave me.”

Cas let out a long breath. “Dean, just because you don’t think you’re worth it doesn’t mean that everyone else feels the same way. Your brother loves you. _I_ love you.”

_I’m gonna do it,_ Dean thought. _I’m finally going to kiss Cas._

He didn’t get the chance, because Cas kissed him first.

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyy!
> 
> So sorry for not posting yesterday. I wasn't finished with it. Oops. I hate writer's block.
> 
> Love,  
-Sil


End file.
